you know what the woman who isn’t afraid of anything…

is afraid of?

written by a woman cowering in her size __ jeans. sunday, february 28, 2010. 5:59 am because it needs to be said.

she is afraid of that scale.

she is afraid of that jean size, cup size, “size you up in a second” size…

thats what she is afraid of…

she is afraid that damn bikini she will never fit into…

and even if she does fit into it … will never possibly, ever, hope to look good in…

yea you know whats horrifying to her?

that fuckin’ eeny weeny tiny yellow polka fuckin’ dot bikini….

why?

’cause thats how we value her.

and she knows that….

you don’t think she knows that?

she knows the market value of a hot body verses a “great personality” …

and so she is making up for it in stride.

yea and in case you didn’t notice…

she is making up for in on the inside.

&

sure, yea maybe my legs or my ass or my stomach do look fat..

&

yea maybe you could call them “thunder thighs”

&

yea maybe you could call this a “muffin top”

but you know what motherfucker?

maybe you should take a look at something other than

my maybe-not-so bootylicious booty

& listen to a different pair of lips for a change…

go get humped.

because even “I” am starting to feel insecure in all my lumps, my lumps, my lovely lady lumps.

how bout that?

you know that a woman that isn’t afraid of childbirth…

is brought to her knees because the beautiful body that she “used” to have just gave birth to ….

50 pounds of extra fat.

and she is still carrying it.

that beautiful goddess who just incubated LIFE itself in her womb for the past nine months…

yea that one.

you know where she is?

crying on the bathroom floor because she saw some things in the mirror that maybe she didn’t used to have….

and it makes her drop to her knees…

because even that valuable, beautiful, immensely-priceless-non-shallow-woman, who knows that true beauty is never just skin deep…

finds her self.

questioning her self.

because she know that we all know..

thats we’re all layers of shallow skin deep in our obsession with flesh & skin…

because we all worship hollywood & celebrity

&

oh lets just say, youth & beauty

but even more than that…..

we worship paper & gossip.

we adore the beautiful woman, who was always beautiful, who will always continue to be beautiful, because thats her job, thats what she gets paid for….

who is on the cover of PEOPLE magazine and oh guess what?!

she’s a national hero because…

she just lost thirty pounds.

which is a grandiose, illusive and mysterious feat in of itself but no…

not only did she just lose thirty pounds!

she lost thirty pounds after giving BIRTH!

wow what a frikken’ modern day mother fuckin’ miracle, lets all stand up and applause?

shall we?

and what about us?

oh what the hell did i give birth to?

i’ve never sprung a miracle out of me….

what have i given birth to?

bon bons & microwave popcorn?

and not that smart pop shit, i am talkin’ ’bout the orville mother fuckin’ redenbacher’s …

extra butter….

yea thats right.

thats what i said…

fucken pop corn.

and you know what?

i am cowering in my knees.

because if thats how we think

and thats truly what we believe…

i’m scared.

Adina is an artist of Inuit and Irish descent who was born and raised in Coral Harbour Nunavut. You can visit her myspace page at: http://www.myspace.com/musicbyadiVa

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